I woke and the house was quiet. It wasn’t necessarily early; we’ve grown very accustomed to the irregular weekday schedule that doesn’t require an alarm clock or bus routes or school bells and take advantage of the chance to sleep in. Ryan had already gone up to the studio over the garage to start his workday and the otherwise sleeping house felt like just the opportunity I’ve been craving for some quiet alone-time with my bible and journal.
I tiptoed downstairs and as I quickly tidied up from the night before – fluffing the couch pillows and tossing stray shoes into the mudroom, lighting a candle and straightening the stack of magazines – the familiarity felt like a friend. I’ve missed you, quiet mornings!
I sat on the couch with my bible open and before I even began, I felt a sense of loss creeping in. I miss how things used to be. I miss the kids going to school and hours of a quiet house and alone time. I miss popping into my coffee shop and picking up a few things at the market without even thinking about germs. I miss friends dropping by and my Wednesday night bible study and the familiar faces at pilates class. I gave myself a minute to name the things I miss most and wrote them down.
Audrey walked sleepily into the room, fuzzy blanket wrapped around her and wild hair peeking out. Brady came next. I could hear the other boys upstairs. Just like that, quiet alone-time is over, I thought to myself. Grouchiness and selfishness rising to the surface.
Just then, I glanced up to see the sunlight shine in just perfectly, casting a glow on the chair across the way.
Lift your eyes up.
Sometimes I need a full-on heart-to-heart to get a message to sink in. Other times all it takes is sunshine coming through the window at just the right moment to shake me awake and reorient my heart. Today all I needed was that streak of sunlight. Take a deep breath; life your eyes up.
This morning’s reminder was a fresh invitation to open up my hands on the loss and weirdness and disorientation and disruption of my lovely schedule (it really is a nice schedule). It was a reminder to pick my eyes up off myself so I might be able to see goodness, beauty and truth even in these curious circumstances. And it gave me (once again) the permission to trade the anxiety over the unknowns for lasting, enduring peace that is found in trusting God.
So right then, even though the room was no longer quiet and I was no longer alone, I carried on with my morning meeting with Jesus. It was different and a more distracting and I still prefer silence and solitude to help me uncover what’s going on in my heart, but also, God isn’t limited to perfect circumstances. He isn’t bound by a schedule or routine or optimal conditions. He is with us and for us and is always at work renewing our hearts through whatever the means.
Under the list of things I’m missing, I made a second list: Things that are unexpectedly wonderful. Surprisingly, that list came even faster than the first and is much, much longer.
Slow mornings.
A self-made school schedule that includes bible and journal time for the kids.
More time for Ethan to play piano.
A walk on the beach with Audrey.
Nightly Facetime story-time with my niece and nephew, Ellie and Ryan (why haven’t we done this before?!)
A pilates studio that is adapting to online classes.
Zooming with Aunt Lorrie for math. Again, why have we not asked her for high school math help?!
Bible Project church at home. So grateful for this resource.
Yes, this new normal is anything but normal and it’s okay to be honest with the many ways it’s messing with us. And also, perhaps the best part of the messing up is the ways it exposes the comforts and addictions and selfishness that need to be pulled out anyway. There is work being done inside my heart that wouldn’t have otherwise happened if not for this momentary blip in my nicely-organized routine.
Audrey’s little devotion of the day says it perfectly:
“I promise to meet all your needs. And while you may not realize it, your greatest need is for My Peace. I am the Gardener of your heart, planting seeds of peace. But the world also tosses in seeds. These seeds grow into weeds of pride, worry and selfishness. If these weeds aren’t ripped out quickly, they will choke out all your peace. I get rid of those weeds in different ways. Sometimes, when you sit quietly in prayer, My Light shines on the weeds and they shrivel up. But other times, I use troubles to encourage you to trust Me. And that trust kills the weeds. So thank Me for troubles, as well as joys. Because I use them both to make your heart My garden of Peace.”
So I lift my eyes and remember that this moment in time is, in fact, just a moment. I confess my worry and control and self-focused ways and thank him for using both the troubles and the joys to bring peace. And I choose to place my gaze on the unexpected blessings that only a slowed-down, messed up routine can offer.
“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans 15:13
Three things happened back-to-back that changed the trajectory of my bible-reading life (and my whole life, actually).
It first started with a post I wrote last year about morning devotional books I liked. I am not a morning person and yet I saw the value in starting the day with truth, so I did what I’ve always done and chose a morning devotion to start the day. There is nothing wrong with this, per se. Quick readings with scripture and truth and application have their place. And for us busy moms (especially you moms of littles where it feels like you never have a minute to yourself!) those devotional resources are priceless. But then a reader left a comment that made me pause. She said something along the lines of “is this really all we’re willing to give Jesus? All we have is just an obligatory 5 minutes to read and then just move on with our day?“. It could have come off as critical and I could have responded defensively. But instead, it totally convicted me. She was right. Is a quick get-it-done reading all I was willing to give? And was it working to grow me deeper into the knowledge and trust in who God is and who I am and how then I should live in this world?
Another thing happened around the same time: I felt the Lord asking me to quiet the noise. There are endless resources for amazing teaching and inspiration and I was consuming a lot of it. My desire to grow and learn was at an all time high and I was responding by drinking it all in. These things, again, are SO good. Podcasts and books and instagram and blog posts with testimonies of how God has worked and what He is like are invaluable. But I felt like I was just hearing second hand about who God is and what He does and not experiencing it for myself.
I longed to know what He wanted to say to ME!
The third moment happened in passing on a Sunday at church. I was chatting with a friend and she told me about something she had read that morning in the book of Nehemiah. I commented, “hmm I’ve never studied Nehemiah.” And her reply caught me off guard: “oh, I’m not studying, I’m just reading.” I realized then and there that my approach to the Bible was off. I saw it as something to study, to dig through, to come to academically and in a group. It was for smarter theologians or well-practiced readers who understood original Greek and Hebrew and ancient culture. I was consuming teaching ON the bible, craving knowledge about God, seeking out wise teachers – all good things – but it was like a watered-down, second-hand kind of experience with God and He was asking me to quiet all that noise to just be with Him.
At the same time as all of this was going on, my spiritual director suggested a new way of understanding who Jesus is through daily reading through the gospels.
The practice was developed by an organization for church leaders called Centered. My spiritual director’s husband leads the team and we have good friends who work with them so it felt like a trustworthy place to start.
Here’s the premise of Project 89:
Each day, you read one chapter of a gospel, starting with Matthew, then moving through Mark, Luke and John. There are 89 chapters total (hence the Project 89 title).
The best part, though, is that you do not just read. You also journal in a guided way.
This is the journal I used and it is now one of my most beloved possessions.
Here’s how it works:
With a blank notebook (at least 90 pages, lined, unlined, spiral bound, stitched, whatever you like), create a table of contents with the chapter, date and room for a title you will give the chapter after reading it.
So at the very beginning, you’ll have a running list of all the chapters for Matthew, Mark, Luke and John. It took me four pages in my notebook.
Once you complete a reading, you’ll add in the title and date.
Here’s how my title pages look:
I didn’t give my pages numbers, but you could if it helps you keep better track.
You’ll notice a few asterisks next to particular chapters. Those were my own little way to mark particular days when I felt like the Lord spoke special things to me.
On each day of reading, you’ll title a new page with the chapter and date. Then read and take notes and journal as you feel led.
At the end of the reading and journaling, give the day a title. It could be a concept that sticks out from a verse or a plot line or what the Lord taught you.
Here are a few sample pages of my daily notes as an example:
Some days were less journal-y than others. Sometimes the chapter didn’t totally connect, and honestly, sometimes I was less engaged and just rushed through.
But as long as my heart and mind were present and I invited the Holy Spirit into the practice, He was so faithful to speak and show and bring up questions and offer answers.
I started Project 89 on June 1, 2018 and finished on January 3, 2019.
In theory, it would only take 89 days, but it took me 7 months. And honestly, I feel totally okay with it. In fact, I am so sad it is over. It became a way for me to slow down, to speak to God, to hear from God, to get to know His character, to find myself in parables and recognize my inability to measure up and Jesus’ incredible, upside-down ways that set us free.
As I look back through the journal, I can see so clearly the messages I needed to hear directly from God.
I needed to know His character – that He is good, kind, compassionate, responsive. I needed to be honest about my shortcomings – that as much as I try not to, I still get very tangled up in the worries of the world. I needed to spend time with Him and prioritize this practice in my busy life. I needed to remember His promises. I needed to slow down and talk to Him and listen.
Because just as I had so hoped, He did have things to say to me.
At the end of it all, I can honestly say that this one spiritual practice has transformed my life.
I have done a lot of work over the past year to grow and heal and understand my identity in Christ. There has been incredible freedom and healing which I’m more than excited to share as the time comes. But at the center of it all, I deeply believe that spending time in the Gospels in this very intentional way has been the biggest difference-maker.
If this is something you’d like to do, may I share a few things that I think are imperative:
Find a quiet place
I’m not great at getting up way ahead of the kids, so instead I found a crack of time in between sending my middle schooler off to school and starting the morning routine with the elementary kids. I crawled back in to bed in my quiet bedroom with my journal and bible app to do the daily practice.
Some days I would bring my journal along with me and do the reading in my car if I had some time before barre class or as I was waiting during a kid’s sports practice.
The essential part – at least for me – was being alone, without noisy distractions or interruptions.
Begin with an open, mindful posture
This sounds sort of woo-woo, but stick with me.
It’s super tempting to just run through the motions and treat it like an item on your checklist. Sure, you’ll get something out of it, but what if there’s more?!
Begin each time by getting quiet and still, close you eyes, open your hands and exhale.
When I meet with my spiritual director, we begin each session like this. We sit in silence with our eyes closed and hands open for a minute to let the pressures and to-do list roll into the background and be present and open in the moment.
We also light a candle to represent the presence of the Holy Spirit during our monthly meetings. I didn’t add the candle portion to my daily reading, but you certainly could if it helps you get into the mental and spiritual place where you will be most open.
Acknowledge the presence of Holy Spirit
The Holy Spirit is with us always, so I don’t know how I feel about saying we need to invite him in, but acknowledging His presence is vital.
My prayer each time I began might sound something like this:
Holy Spirit, you are here. I am here. I am thankful for this time to be with you. Quiet my heart, open my eyes and ears. Show me through the Word what you want me to know. Show me what you want me to do. Show me who you are and what that means about who I am.
Read in a translation that is not super familiar to you
I love my NIV study bible. But for this practice, I read each day in The Passion Translation version. IT WAS INCREDIBLY IMPACTFUL.
Even though the stories might be familiar, reading them in a version that is not your regular go-to makes you read the words and not just skim over them. It puts new words and maybe slightly different perspective that makes you stop and think and pay attention and reflect on familiar scriptures in new ways.
I read using the BibleGateway app on my phone. I started each day with The Passion Translation and then would switch to the Amplified version (another favorite) or The Message or The New Living for added clarity and perspective. I love reading the same story in different translations to help me understand and comprehend better.
Write down whatever makes you pause
If I read a line in the chapter and it caught my attention for whatever reason, I wrote it down. Sometimes I would elaborate with added thoughts or questions, sometimes I would stop and look it up in a different version, sometimes I just continued on.
The point of journaling is to mark down what is speaking to your soul and interact with it. You might ask for deeper understanding. You might see a thread running through where the same things keep popping up. Now that I’m done, I love having this journal to go back through and see the repeating themes.
The journaling and titling each chapter acts as a way for you to think and comprehend instead of just reading but not really letting the words sink in.
Keep going
Like I said up there, I didn’t finish in 89 days. But I didn’t quit or feel defeated when I missed a few days. The longer I stuck with it, the more I craved it. I anticipated meeting with God and growing in my faith.
It really is a relationship, you know? The more time you spend together, the deeper and purer it becomes. And when you skip being together, the more you miss it.
Well, there it is. The single most impactful spiritual practice I’ve ever done.
I’m so sad it’s done. I know that’s weird because I could just start again. But it’s just this sweet, special one-time thing that I know can’t be replicated and I hold it so dear. I am so grateful for the ways it has grown my faith and trust in God.
I pray, more than anything, whether you do this Project 89 practice or any other scripture reading, that you will more fully understand who God is, who you are and what that means as you walk out your daily life.
I’m on the journey with you, friend, and so thankful that we have a loving, good God who promises this:
“Move your heart closer and closer to God, and he will come even closer to you.” James 4:8 TPT
I listened to a podcast conversation where the host and guest mentioned listening to audio books. One woman said she doesn’t often listen to books because she can’t stay focused. The other suggested listening to novels as they are more entertaining and capture attention with story. Both agreed that they much preferred listening to fiction and reading an actual copy of non-fiction. I get their point, but I’m the complete opposite! Rarely can I make it all the way through a non-fiction book. BUT if I’m listening to it – and especially if the author is reading it to me – I am hooked. Plus, I like that I can multi-task. Listen to a book + vacuum the kids’ rooms. Pop in my headphones + sauté the vegetables. Pick up where I left off + weed the yard. Or, just listen and do nothing else. I think because I enjoy listening to podcasts so much, my brain does well taking in the information of non-fiction. In fact, listening seems to hold my attention better than if I were to read the same book. The only downfall is that it is nice to have a physical copy of a book to highlight or take notes in if something, in particular, jumps out at me. To combat this, I will often pause the book, open the notes app on my phone and write down whatever it is that I want to remember. It’s not a perfect method, but it works.
Lately, I’ve listened to/read a handful of really excellent non-fiction writing. Here they are, in no particular order:
With her soothing Australian accent and vulnerability, Alex Seely instantly feels like a wise mentor. She guides us gently through recognizing lies that have burrowed themselves deeply into our hearts and helps us find the truth in the midst of it. I paused this one many times to write down wisdom, like this: “The world is waiting to see the glory of God revealed through his children. But if we stay bound to our insecurities then we will never step into the fullness of who he created us to be.”
Annie has long been a favorite voice in my earbuds with her podcast and I equally (or maybe even more so!) enjoyed listening to her tell us her story of learning to remember God, even when life isn’t going as you hoped. So good.
Another favorite podcast voice – his smart teachings through Bridgetown Church are always profound and practical (a perfect combination in my book). I listened to this book and the following one in the matter of a few days and must relisten to both. This one reminds us of what God says about Himself – apart from our own perceptions (perhaps misperceptions?) of who He is.
Here’s the process I’ve been going through: first, figure out who God actually is (that’s answered in God Has A Name). Second, figure out how that redefines my identity. Third, understand what that means for how I live in the world. This book helps with the third part. It’s convicting (he teaching on Sabbath is one of the very best) and he helps us realign our expectations about work and rest and life. I loved this book.
I have only just started this one – it just released one week ago! – and just know I will come back to it again and again. I have a hardcopy because it felt like a book that I would want to underline, but I also adore Emily’s voice so much that I wanted to hear her read it to me and so I have the audio version as well. Do you listen to her podcast? If not, definitely do. This book was born from the insights she shares with us weekly and I’m just so very excited about her guidance to help us be mindful about decision-making.
She grew up thinking she wanted to either be a cheerleader or a missionary and you know what? She’s both. THIS BOOK IS SO GOOD. I read it all the way through in a day and a half because I couldn’t stop. It spoke to all of the little weird catches in my heart I feel when I read the modern-day motivational quotes (You’re enough! You weren’t made to be small! Go after your dreams! You deserve it!). Rachel is unashamed, unapologetic and truly makes her readers think. Her Instagram is pretty great, too.
The Enneagram continues to rise in popularity. When asked what my favorite resources are for understanding the personality typing system, discovering what type you are and viewing it in light of who God says you are, this book is at the top of my recommendations. I was under the spiritual direction of Marilyn Vancil and her mentorship to me has been one of the single most transformational things in my life. I am so grateful to her and this book. It is now available in audio form if that is more your thing. Although I would still suggest getting a hard copy so you can refer back to it again and again.
So Long Insecurity by Beth Moore
I picked this one back up after having read it years ago and, what do you know, insecurity is still right there biting at my heels. This book is easy to relate to and practical in its healing prayers and guided practices.
This resource feels like a next-level choice for further enneagram understanding. It approaches the personality typing system from a Christian perspective (which I always prefer) and dives deeper into the triads: heart, head and gut.
This book comes highly recommended and is a perspective shift from the general marriage messages. Tim Keller “uses the scriptures as his guide to show readers what God’s call to marriage is, and why this is such a powerful call”. A few books that are on my list to listen to/read next:
I find Knox McCoy to be super hilarious and love the way he mixes pop culture and faith. I need to read/listen to this one next. Also, don’t miss his podcast, The Popcast. It is my go-to when I just need to laugh.
Honestly, I don’t love a marriage or parenting book. I don’t know why. It especially makes no sense since my degree is in child and family psychology. You would think I would eat these up! But, no. However, as I have been undergoing great spiritual transformation, so has our marriage and this book feels like it would be a helpful tool to enhance the growth.
This marriage book looks really good, too. As the description says, “Setting aside typical topics on marriage, Francis and Lisa dive into Scripture to understand what it means to have a relationship that satisfies the deepest parts of our souls.”
I have always loved Elisabeth Hasselbeck – from her days on Survivor: Australia (best season ever!), to her time on The View. She has been making her podcast rounds promoting her new book and I ADORED her conversation with Annie F. Downs (listen here). It made me feel like we would be friends and so, of course, I want to read her book.
The Bible is full of stories using food as an illustration for deeper truth – and much of it is lost on us since we are neither farmers nor live in a primarily agrarian culture. If you’re a foodie, this will be especially fun for you.
My love of the enneagram continues and I’ve been meaning to get this book for a while. It helps us look at relationships through the lens of enneagram to help understand, offer grace and improve communication. Whew! That’s quite a list. Have you read or listened to any non-fiction that you’re loving right now? I’d love to hear!
Our oldest son is just the nicest kid – he is smart and friendly, witty and creative. He’s responsible and caring (and as sloppy as they come, but I try to overlook that part). He’s a leader in his class and has lots of friends. And he has a bully who’s been bugging him all year.
It’s admittedly not the worse bully case of all – but it is hurtful all the same. We’ve talked about it and offered suggestions for the past few months, but last Friday, my 10 year old came home with teary-eyes because this mean boy just won’t leave him alone. We talked it through and have a few positive next steps, so we’ll get the issue taken care of, I’m sure. As much as I want to step in and protect my baby, I know situations like this will build his character, teach him compassion, show him what it means to pray for his enemies. He will be better because of moments like these.
But I can’t stop thinking about this one thing, this one reality that I’ve known was there all along, but it hasn’t been an in-your-face part of my children’s’ lives until now:
the world will try over and over to tell them who they are
Sometimes it will be good, like when they win an award or score a goal or get promoted. Their friends/teammates/colleagues will offer praise and give respect and it will feel great. They will feel confident and proud and think they are pretty awesome.
Other times, it will be terrible. When they don’t get chosen or are left out or made fun of or passed over for the promotion and their friends/teammates/colleagues will laugh or ignore or say hurtful things and it will sting. Over and over and over, these inadequacies, negative comments, hurtful words will work their way into their hearts and soon enough, they will begin to believe them.
I don’t like this. Either one, really – feeling awesome because of what we’ve done or feeling awful because of what we haven’t. We base our identity on our successes or failures and that just leaves us scrambling, striving, doing all we can to be good and avoid mistakes and try desperately to prove our value to the world.
It’s exhausting.
It’s so my story. Probably yours, too. Maybe all of humanity, even.
We look to the world to tell us who we are and the world doesn’t even have the right to voice its opinion in the first place.
I’m still learning the lesson. I care way, way too much about what others think of me. I always have. I’ve been reminded over and over again that basing my value on the world’s opinion of me will never satisfy, and I’m getting closer to believing it, but I still haven’t quite grasped it.
My oldest son’s bully experience has deepened my desire for our kids to have a solid understanding and confidence in who they are – in who God says they are – so that they won’t get caught up in the people-pleasing-accolade-chasing-fearful-perfectionism that so easily entangles. I want them to go through life having people either wildly approve and accept them or hurtfully make fun of and ridicule them and not waver from their belief in what Jesus thinks of them.
I want my kids to twirl, really. Not just Audrey, but the boys too (maybe it’s not the right word for them, but see the original post and the follow up and hopefully you’ll get the point). To be who God made them to be, thanking Him when they are successful, accepting His unending grace when they fail. And knowing this:
“The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you; He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.” Zephaniah 3:17
So many beautiful promises in one little passage.
God is with me. He saves me. He delights in me. He loves me. He rejoices over me
God is with you. He saves you. He delights in you. He loves you. He rejoices over you.
This is the verse we chose for our daughter, but I pray it for my boys as well.
So when a bully tells my son that he’s not good enough, it will hurt. It should hurt. But he will know, deep in his soul, that because of Jesus, he is enough. He is chosen and adored and that is enough.
Note: Written in 2014, but just as applicable today
The quality I admire most in others, the one character trait I wish for our children and the word I’d love for our family to be defined by is kindness.
My friend just told me that in a study of what makes marriages last, the biggest factor was kindness. Honesty, communication, love – these are all good things. Kindness is like all of these wrapped into one.
Kindness is the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate.
We all like friendly, generous and considerate people. It’s who we want to be, who we hope to be married to and how we want our kids to be.
I am a kind person … at least most of the time. I am friendly. I am generous. I try to be considerate.
But to myself, I can be so unkind.
At barre class a few years ago, I had this sweet moment with God that woke me up to my pretty lousy way of being. I became aware that although I was kind to others, I was terribly mean to myself. I said critical, inconsiderate things in my head without even realizing. I told myself I must be perfect. That if I was not perfect, I was a failure. That I needed to do more and strive more and work harder to prove my worth. That if I was not able to do it well, I should not even try.
I actually said these rude things to myself! For way too many years! These are mean statements I would never say to a friend and words I don’t even believe to be true.
I love that the Lord opened my mind that day to recognize the ways I am unkind to myself. It is the first step to healing and transformation and the bravest thing we can do is pay attention, name the belief and decide if it’s true or false.
Where is this pressure to be perfect coming from? Who is expecting perfection out of me?
Who is calling me a failure?
Do I really believe I can prove my value through my own effort?
This is the work of renewing your mind.
It’s remembering the Truth and reframing your beliefs and attitude and behavior to fall in line. We love because He first loved us. We are generous because He provides for all of our needs. We are considerate because we trust that He calls us all His beloved.
Be kind. To others. And to yourself.
Being kind to ourselves can look like many things:
+ speaking truthful words to ourselves instead of critical lies
+ accepting our bodies and being grateful for strength and health instead of focusing on the flaws
+ filling ourselves with healthy, nourishing food instead of eating junk and then feeling even worse
+ taking time to quiet our souls instead of rushing through and keeping busy
+ laughing instead of taking life so seriously
+ spending quality time with our friends and family instead of being half-engaged
While dropping my son at school I drove by a u-cut dahlia garden with the prettiest blooms.
A big bouquet of dahlias would look so bright and cheerful in our house, I thought. It’s gray and gloomy outside and a bouquet of pretty flowers sure would make me happy.
So you know what I did? I decided to treat myself to an armful of flowers as an act of kindness. It was such a good decision.
Just one little way I’m learning to be kind to myself.
What have you done for yourself lately as an act of kindness? I’d love to hear …
I’ve recently unfollowed just about 700 accounts on Instagram. You read that right: seven hundred. I now follow right around 400 which means that at some point I was following over 1,000.
I shouldn’t tell you this because it might encourage you to go unfollow a bunch of accounts and that might mean you’ll unfollow me and that would make me sad and filled with angst and stressed out about people not liking me. But I actually think it might be the best advice I could offer when it comes to Instagram.
If it doesn’t make your life – and more importantly – your soul better, let it go. Unfollow. Turn off notifications. Maybe even delete the whole thing from your phone for a few days (or forever. Whatever works.).
I started using Instagram because it was new and fun (the filters! The rounded corners! The behind-the-scenes peeks!) and continue all these years later because it is still fun and feels important for this online business I run. I try to find that balance between posting photos that are pretty to get likes and comments and shares and ultimately grow my following and posting photos that are pretty just because I like to.
(Side note: quite honestly, I’m not sure there is a huge correlation between my number of Instagram followers and business success as we’ve gone about blogging/business a little differently. But I continue anyway).
At the same time, I’m an Instagram user and it can feel so pointless and shallow and not life-giving for me to spend time every single day scrolling and scrolling and scrolling through images of strangers’ lives and homes and kids.
Tell me I’m not alone in this … it is weird, right?!
I’m trying not to be cynical because that doesn’t really get us anywhere. I’m just in this place of deeply paying attention to what I do and how it makes me feel. Instagram is one of those things I haven’t quite sorted out.
Do I love it?
Instagram is full of beautiful photos and visually inspiring ideas. It is a way to connect with friends and family and celebrities and influencers that we don’t get to hang out with on a day-to-day basis (or ever). It has become a micro-blogging platform for quickly writing and sharing. It becomes a digital scrapbook, or even better, an actual scrapbook if you get your pictures turned into books. It has grown businesses and offered opportunity, a sense of community and humor and brought awareness to important issues.
Or maybe do I hate it?
With Instagram, we get lost in someone else’s life, someone else’s travels, someone else’s fitness/style/food/decorating/parenting journey while we stare at our phones and ignore our own. It so easily stirs up a sense of comparison and discontent. It gives us an incomplete snapshot of whoever we’re following which leads us to believe we’re somehow worse off or less-than or missing out. It creates a sense of community that makes us forget how important real-life friendships are. It lures us in with its likes and followers and analytics that feel inflating when they’re going up and crushing when they fall. It pressures us with the hope that if we post the best photos from the best angles with the best lighting and cleverest captions we’ll get noticed and liked and make it big.
See what I mean? It’s great and not great at the same time.
The good thing is, we get to choose.
We get to choose who we follow, how it makes us feel, how often we scroll and for how long. We get to decide if we post or not post and let Instagram serve us instead of the other way around. Which is why I deleted 700 follows. I stopped following a bunch of accounts not because any of them were bad or not inspiring or posted by someone who is probably a wonderful person in real life. But rather, I stopped following for one of three reasons:
If every time I saw a post and it made me feel all compare-y and unsettled – like I wasn’t keeping up or measuring up – I stopped following. The issue of insecurity is in my own heart and has nothing to do with the account I’m jealous of, but one good step in healing is removing the thing that keeps tripping you up. There were not too many like this, but there were a few and it felt good to just let them go.
If I was following someone whom I didn’t know and never would know, I figured I didn’t really need to see what they were doing every day. This eliminated pretty much every celebrity I was following. Except for @kensingtonroyal because I really like the British royal family.
If I couldn’t remember why I started following to begin with and wasn’t super excited about any of the most recent photos, I unfollowed.
Just like that, 700 down.
At the same time, I also removed Instagram notifications from my phone. I no longer get a message when someone leaves a comment which means I pick up my phone and open Instagram one hundred less times per day. It also meant getting used to not having that regular affirmation in the form of Instagram comments popping up on my phone throughout the day. I’m embarrassed to say that it took some getting used to.
So that’s where I am right now. I still like Instagram. I still post and comment and scroll every day. I’m being much pickier about what I post – I don’t want to just throw a photo up for the sake of staying on top of the algorithm and keep followers.
My goal with everything I do online is to create a space where when you leave you feel better, not worse, about your life. I want you to feel less alone, more normal, encouraged to see beauty in the every day and inspired to do something creative in your home or with your hands.
I still hate it a little, too. I wish that darn followers number didn’t captivate me like it does and make me feel better or worse about myself.
I’d love to know where you’re at with Instagram. Do you love it? Not love it? Do you have any tricks or boundaries you’ve set to make it work for your life? Let’s have a heart to heart about Instagram …
It dawned on me when I was sharing my five things Friday on Instagram and all I wanted to talk about were the podcast episodes I listened to. I listed a few and held back from the others because I didn’t want you to think that I do nothing else with my time other than listen to podcasts 🙂
The truth is, I do listen to several episodes each week. But I’m usually doing it while doing other things, so that makes me feel better about this habit.
I pop in my headphones and turn on a new episode when I’m making dinner, washing dishes, folding laundry, vacuuming, picking up around the house and deep cleaning. It feels like a reward to me – I have to do all of these daily chores but at least I get to fill my ears with laughter, conversation, deep thoughts, insights, information and entertainment. I just can’t get enough.
(p.s. that picture was taken before I had a pair of wireless headphones and my goodness, what a difference it makes! No more getting caught up in a cord!)
I’ll also put on a podcast in the car, but only when I’m by myself. The kids DO NOT share my love of podcast listening. I drove down to Oregon last month by myself and there was something completely delightful about having 4 hours to myself to listen to whatever I wanted the whole way there and back.
A few more tips about my professional podcast listening skills:
For all but two podcasts, I listen on 1.5 speed. This is a big reason my kids do not like listening to my podcasts. It admittedly feels a little off, but as long as I can keep up, I like being able to move through them quickly so I can get to the next one 🙂 The two podcasts that I listen to on regular speed feel like they shouldn’t be rushed so I honor them and their impact on my soul by listening slowly.
Headphones make concentrating much easier. If I’m at home by myself, I could listen through our house speakers, but putting the noise directly into my ears with headphones makes it way easier to stay focused.
Choose the right tasks to do while listening. There are some things that just don’t work for me to multi-task on – I can’t type and listen to words, drive unknown roads, make a complex recipe. Sometimes I need to just turn off the noise to get things done.
Curate a podcast list that makes you happy, challenges your thinking and keeps your brain engaged. If you listen to something a friend recommends and you’re not into it, no worries! There are so many different options and just because one show is super popular or someone loves a particular genre, it doesn’t mean you have to. My friend listens to all the crime/unsolved mystery podcasts and raves about them, but I’m just not interested (and that’s okay).
Be a podcast supporter. We can support our favorite podcasters by leaving reviews, encouraging them through comments, not getting annoyed at the commercial breaks, purchasing their books and products and using their affiliate codes. I am so appreciative of the hours and hours of work it takes to put these podcasts together and especially grateful that everything is FREE!
Okay, now for the list of my favorite shows (listed alphabetically):
This is a church in Portland, OR with such good teaching on following the way of Jesus. John Mark Comer is the head pastor and I adore his style of teaching. The sermon series called “Fighting the World, The Flesh and The Devil” (starting 9/13/18) was transformational.
Tim Mackie is the theologian behind The Bible Project (see below) and this podcast is a collection of 10 years of his best teachings. I started at the beginning and am working my way through. If you like lots of historical contexts, language understanding, and biblical teaching, this is SO GREAT. The series on “Heaven + Hell” (9/18/17) changes my non-biblical view (why was it that way to begin with?!) and I cried listening to the first Psalm episode (10/23/17).
The premise of this is so good – here’s the description: Join host Jess Connolly as she interviews women who are using what they’ve got to run on mission today. It is the mission of Go + Tell Gals to equip women to take their place in the Kingdom, using what they’ve been given, for His glory and the good of others. I have only listened to a few, but I enjoyed them very much.
I love hearing the stories behind the successful entrepreneurs that Guy Raz interviews. It’s always fun to hear the behind-the-scenes for big brands like Crate + Barrel, LaraBar, Stitch Fix.
Listen in as Alli interviews a guest each week, and then answers three listener questions – one about faith, one about life and one about business. I like her.
Knox + Jamie (the popcast, see below) are the best hosts. They are funny, witty, so incredibly pop-culture-knowledgeable and also Bible-believers. This podcast takes stories from the Bible and talks about them in relatable, entertaining ways to help us understand them better. I happen to love a theological podcast, but this one is also super fun.
I LOVE THIS PODCAST. I love the Bible Project, in general, for their videos that breakdown books and themes of the Bible (go watch those here). The podcast is a collection of conversations had before the making of the videos.
Jamie just knows how to do an interview. She is personable and engages in interesting conversations with a variety of (mostly) women. If you want to listen to a blast from the past, I was on her show a few years ago (episodes 42 + 43).
This is one of the shows that I listen to on regular speed. There is just something about Emily’s voice and her words that make you exhale, think and reflect and leave the 15ish minutes more grounded than when you started. I especially adored her episode “If You’re Afraid of Making the Wrong Decision” (1/29/19).
The Pivot is a podcast about transition. The guests are mainly from the music industry but the stories are universal. It is so encouraging to hear how others are navigating change and pivots in their lives.
The whole thing is just one big party. I laugh out loud in almost every episode and am amazed at how much these two know about pop culture. They were made for their jobs.
Two things about this: one, much of what these two pastors talk about is just slightly over my head and two: I feel privileged to listen in on their fascinating discussion of what it means to follow Jesus in a post-Christian culture. Also, Mark Sayers has an Australian accent and I don’t know why, but an Australian or British accent just makes me want to listen all the more.
This enneagram podcast is another one of my go-to’s. The guests are so varied and conversations never predictable. My favorite episode of all is the one on 1/23/19 with Ryan Stevenson. It was so powerful to hear the freedom starting to shine through as they talked about changing the narrative. So good.
In late November I sat on my closet floor praying. There were tears, of course, because I cry easily and I was just so desperate to hear from God. I was struggling with what to do and how to move forward and I needed clear direction. If 2018 was anything for me, it was the year of finding freedom. September, in particular, was the month where much of that healing finally happened and it left me asking the question, what now?! Now that I was free of lies and finally found the answer to my four-year question of WHO AM I, I just needed to know what to do next.
God was so gracious to answer me gently and He spoke to my heart right there on that closet floor:
Be an artist.
It wasn’t really shocking, this Be An Artist directive. After all, I love creating and decorating and painting and making. I’ve always loved these things. I have even built a business around doing and sharing and teaching my favorite creative endeavors. But that’s not what He said. He didn’t say, DO art. He said BE an artist. As much as I love doing art, teaching art, admiring art, I have never truly identified as an artist. Artistic, sure. Creative, yes. But in a million years I would never introduce myself as Emily, the artist. And I think that was the problem.
Deep, deep down in the truest part of me, I am an artist. I always have been. But instead of living confidently in that, I’ve tried to be other things and pushed the artist part way down. Being an artist felt silly, unimportant, less-than. What really mattered, especially in this online business that I run, was consistency and growth and strategy. And all of that – while super important for running a business – became who I was trying to be and the work I was trying to do and, honestly, it just wasn’t working. Not only was I not good at it, but it was starting to burn me out. I became cynical, tired, uninspired, done.
That’s the thing: when you are not being who you are made to be, it drains the life right out of you.
To be totally fair to the situation, I had my husband and business partner who is very clearly the entrepreneur/growth/strategy person right by my side. I didn’t really need to try to be the business-y person I was trying to be, but I felt like its what everyone wanted from me and expected from me and the right thing to do and I’ll do anything in my power to not disappoint. So I played the part – or at least tried to – and there’s been this gnawing tension that I couldn’t resolve ever since. My answer to this persistent tension, unfortunately, was throw it all away! which is clearly not the right answer. I’m so good at swinging the pendulum far and wide and this was just another example of it. Which lead me to that morning in November, crying on my closet floor asking for God to please, please, please help me figure this thing out.
Be an artist, He said.
It was so clear and concise and I had no desire to ignore or dismiss it. I just wanted to obey. So I pulled out my watercolors and started a new painting.
This is where I’d love to say that my heart was instantly at peace because FINALLY, I was living into my true identity!
But instead, this is what happened:
I was almost finished with the flower bouquet I was painting and stopped for a second to run upstairs. What for I can’t remember but what I do remember is thinking to myself as I climbed the stairs, that painting is terrible. I’m not an artist. I don’t even know what I’m doing. How quickly I had forgotten what God said of me! A few minutes later when I came back downstairs, Ryan was looking at the painting and showered me with compliments. This painting is amazing! How did you do that?!
The contrast was not lost on me.
I could choose to be hard on myself, to compare, set unrealistic expectations and give up OR I could live into the identity God gave me, listen to positive voices from people who love and care about me and just keep trying. This whole ‘renewing your mind’ thing is real, my friends. What voice would I listen to? The one telling me I was terrible? Or the one saying, “this is who you are, now be it.”
I worked a little more on the flower painting and when I shared it, the response was so kind. It helped boost my confidence. I did a couple more paintings in December, but it was a busy month and you know how that goes.
So at the end of the month when this idea popped into my head about doing a daily sketch each day in 2019, it felt like the right next step. It would mean I was walking in obedience to be an artist. It would mean I would be practicing art every day and surely would improve. It would mean I could build up more confidence to create illustrations for the books I will write someday. It would challenge me to look beyond the camera for capturing beauty in the every day and go an extra step to paint it.
And so the daily sketches began.
I’m using the hashtag #thisismydailyart on instagram to categorize the paintings. It always makes me smile when I think about this song I grew up on. This painting practice feels a little like daily bread. It feels like sustenance for my soul that is coming from the Lord. It’s an act of worship, this living into my true identity thing. It’s an act of trust and obedience and while it’s vulnerable and risky, it feels like the very best and most joyful thing I can do.
I am sharing the sketches each day on Instagram partially for accountability and partially because part of being an artist is sharing that art with the world. You can see them all right here.
Those daily posts mean that my Instagram account looks different than it has in the past. From a professional standpoint, that feels terrifying. Anytime you stray even slightly from what you’ve been doing, the chances of losing followers are good. But, I remain sure that this direction for me is right and I’m so grateful for the sweet comments and encouragement I have received since the beginning.
And here’s my encouragement for you:
Trust in who God made you uniquely to be. Then be it.
If you are not quite sure who you are, oh, friend, this is the greatest work you can do. Ask Him, pay attention to your dreams and little girl aspirations, look for what makes you excited, motivated, energized. You will find her. You really will.
I told myself I wouldn’t start over. If the shading was weird or proportions not quite right I just wouldn’t worry about it and remember that this daily practice is for PRACTICE. Up until this sketch, there has only been one other time when I was tempted to start over.
But I talked myself out of starting over reminding myself of the reason for me doing this. I posted to Instagram and sure enough, it is one of the most liked daily sketches so far.
This little lesson boosted my confidence and resolve to just let this be an exercise in painting and not worry about perfection.
And then earlier this month, I totally broke this resolve and started over on a sketch.
I had good reason to restart and I actually learned something good from it.
Let me tell you the story …
On this particular day, I had been in a bit of a funky mood right from the start. I couldn’t quite identify what the feelings were – sadness? anxiety? pms? I didn’t know. Instead of quieting myself and really paying attention to the feelings, all I wanted to do was put a podcast on, pop in my headphones and clean the house. I think it was my way of shutting out the feelings and adding order to the areas in my life I could control. Healthy? Maybe not. But it keeps the house looking good!
Anyway, when it came time to sit down to do my daily sketch, I did like I do most days and chose something that represented a piece of that day. A cute caddy of cleaning supplies seemed like just the right subject matter.
I sketched the items and added paint to all of the little cleaning bottles. When I got to the last part – painting the caddy – I paused. My inspiration and the plan all along was for the caddy to be white. But I started second-guessing myself.
All of my sketches are so neutral. Color would be more eye-catching. I’ll get more likes if it’s colorful. People are probably bored of all my neutrals.
I was planning on keeping the caddy white but instead decided to go completely bold and do it red.
From the second the paint hit the paper, I hated it.
I’m not a red girl. I’m not a bold color girl. I’m not a red cleaning caddy girl.
I tried to like it. Then I tried to remove the paint in an attempt to fix it. But it just became a soggy, pink mess.
I had to start over.
On the second try, I went with my gut and kept the caddy white.
Yes, it’s neutral. It is subtle and dainty and doesn’t pop the way it might if it were a bold color.
But I love it. It feels like me and I’m proud of this little sketch.
I say it all the time and I guess I had just forgotten it myself: Do your thing. Don’t worry about what people think. Don’t do it for applause. Just do the thing in your own unique way and offer it freely to the world.
For as long as I can remember I have loved picture books. As a child I would study the illustrations of my favorites – Blueberries for Sal, The Bremen-town Musicians, Caps for Sale, Go, Dog. Go! – I can still remember pictures and hear my mom’s voice saying, “kuplink, kuplank, kuplunk!” and “Caps for Sale! Caps! Fifty cents a cap!“.
Picture books are pure magic.
My sophomore year of college my best friend and I shared an apartment. She brought a couch, coffee table, tv; I brought a small stack of favorite picture books. Now looking back, this seems like a strange thing for a 19 year old to travel with from Washington to Southern California, but I guess I felt they were important at the time. I don’t know if I ever opened the books that year, but they sat next to the couch and I saw them everyday. Fun fact: those same books from way back then are up on Audrey’s shelves today.
We have so many favorite books. I thought it might be fun and helpful to have a big list of favorites, all of which are included in our little library.
So, in no particular order, here are 48 must-haves for your picture book collection:
