I woke and the house was quiet. It wasn’t necessarily early; we’ve grown very accustomed to the irregular weekday schedule that doesn’t require an alarm clock or bus routes or school bells and take advantage of the chance to sleep in. Ryan had already gone up to the studio over the garage to start his workday and the otherwise sleeping house felt like just the opportunity I’ve been craving for some quiet alone-time with my bible and journal.
I tiptoed downstairs and as I quickly tidied up from the night before – fluffing the couch pillows and tossing stray shoes into the mudroom, lighting a candle and straightening the stack of magazines – the familiarity felt like a friend. I’ve missed you, quiet mornings!
I sat on the couch with my bible open and before I even began, I felt a sense of loss creeping in. I miss how things used to be. I miss the kids going to school and hours of a quiet house and alone time. I miss popping into my coffee shop and picking up a few things at the market without even thinking about germs. I miss friends dropping by and my Wednesday night bible study and the familiar faces at pilates class. I gave myself a minute to name the things I miss most and wrote them down.
Audrey walked sleepily into the room, fuzzy blanket wrapped around her and wild hair peeking out. Brady came next. I could hear the other boys upstairs. Just like that, quiet alone-time is over, I thought to myself. Grouchiness and selfishness rising to the surface.
Just then, I glanced up to see the sunlight shine in just perfectly, casting a glow on the chair across the way.
Lift your eyes up.
Sometimes I need a full-on heart-to-heart to get a message to sink in. Other times all it takes is sunshine coming through the window at just the right moment to shake me awake and reorient my heart. Today all I needed was that streak of sunlight. Take a deep breath; life your eyes up.
This morning’s reminder was a fresh invitation to open up my hands on the loss and weirdness and disorientation and disruption of my lovely schedule (it really is a nice schedule). It was a reminder to pick my eyes up off myself so I might be able to see goodness, beauty and truth even in these curious circumstances. And it gave me (once again) the permission to trade the anxiety over the unknowns for lasting, enduring peace that is found in trusting God.
So right then, even though the room was no longer quiet and I was no longer alone, I carried on with my morning meeting with Jesus. It was different and a more distracting and I still prefer silence and solitude to help me uncover what’s going on in my heart, but also, God isn’t limited to perfect circumstances. He isn’t bound by a schedule or routine or optimal conditions. He is with us and for us and is always at work renewing our hearts through whatever the means.
Under the list of things I’m missing, I made a second list: Things that are unexpectedly wonderful. Surprisingly, that list came even faster than the first and is much, much longer.
Slow mornings.
A self-made school schedule that includes bible and journal time for the kids.
More time for Ethan to play piano.
A walk on the beach with Audrey.
Nightly Facetime story-time with my niece and nephew, Ellie and Ryan (why haven’t we done this before?!)
A pilates studio that is adapting to online classes.
Zooming with Aunt Lorrie for math. Again, why have we not asked her for high school math help?!
Bible Project church at home. So grateful for this resource.
Katie Couric morning emails. A new-to-me discovery that makes catching up on the news enjoyable.
Dinner together as a family every night.
The list went on.
Yes, this new normal is anything but normal and it’s okay to be honest with the many ways it’s messing with us. And also, perhaps the best part of the messing up is the ways it exposes the comforts and addictions and selfishness that need to be pulled out anyway. There is work being done inside my heart that wouldn’t have otherwise happened if not for this momentary blip in my nicely-organized routine.
Audrey’s little devotion of the day says it perfectly:
“I promise to meet all your needs. And while you may not realize it, your greatest need is for My Peace. I am the Gardener of your heart, planting seeds of peace. But the world also tosses in seeds. These seeds grow into weeds of pride, worry and selfishness. If these weeds aren’t ripped out quickly, they will choke out all your peace. I get rid of those weeds in different ways. Sometimes, when you sit quietly in prayer, My Light shines on the weeds and they shrivel up. But other times, I use troubles to encourage you to trust Me. And that trust kills the weeds. So thank Me for troubles, as well as joys. Because I use them both to make your heart My garden of Peace.”
So I lift my eyes and remember that this moment in time is, in fact, just a moment. I confess my worry and control and self-focused ways and thank him for using both the troubles and the joys to bring peace. And I choose to place my gaze on the unexpected blessings that only a slowed-down, messed up routine can offer.
So beautifully said, Emily. Thank you for your honesty, transparency and sharing how the Lord is speaking to you. 💕
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and the ways that The Lord is nudging you closer to him!
You reached into my heart and gave my feelings words. Of all the posts that have come out in the midst of all “this”, yours by far resonated the loudest. Thank you. I cannot wait to check back in next week.
I look forward to your message each Friday. Thank you so much for bringing some calm to this madness. Thank you for sharing resources. I think I could read a message like this every day. I need it. Thank you for sharing your life with us. Looking forward to next Friday. Thanks again! You are the BEST!
I’m so glad it is helpful!
Your words, pictures and drawings always provide me a sense of calm. Thank you for that more now than ever.
I totally understand where you’re coming from -in solitude and with interruptions. You said it so well – and that devotion was perfect <3
We are all so blessed that you took your leap of faith that allowed for you to be ready and able to write such powerful, encouraging and inspiring words that can only come from a heart that is quiet and still enough to hear what the Holy Spirit is speaking to you and now through you. Thank you precious one for pouring out on us what God has filled your cup with!
Thank you, Francine. It has been such a long, long time since I’ve written a blog post and I’m grateful for all the space in between. xoxo
all glory to God! <3
That devotion spoke to me yesterday. The garden in my heart and the weeds. I am definitely learning to let His Light shine so those weeds will shrivel up. Yesterday, so many emotions arose up.
Thanks for the message that each of us are walking in right now.
“God isn’t limited to perfect circumstances”- that is so true! Thank you for the encouragement and perspective!
Thank you for sharing this!
This is spot on how I have been feeling. I miss the routine. I miss the normal. I miss my students. I miss my classroom. But when I sit down and look at how God provided and moved in specific ways to get our family exactly where it is for this specific time my heart swells with gratitude. It’s all in his hands, His time, His way. Thank you for sharing your heart in it.
Thank you for this beautiful reflection. Needed this today!
Yes and Amen.
Could it be your change from your design blog to this one was meant for such a time as this?
Thank you for sharing your relatable journey.
“For if thou altogether holdest thy peace at this time, then shall there enlargement and deliverance arise to the Jews from another place; but thou and thy father’s house shall be destroyed: and who knoweth whether thou art come to the kingdom for such a time as this?” -Esther 4:14
Have a great weekend!
His timing is pretty great and thank you for reminding me of the truth of his timing even in launching this new website!
Yes His timing is pretty great!
I meant to put “All glory to God” comment here.
Please forgive or delete from the top reply. …mistake
Thank you for this. I feel like you were looking into my heart today. Different family dynamics, but we are all pretty similar. I am thankful for your easy way, your honesty and the hope that is always found in Jesus. Love to you!
Love this EMILY! ❤️ I’m so glad He is near to us and He can bring us peace even in the midst of all this. My kids are young 9yrs- 10 months and homeschooled, so my routine hasn’t been changed as much, still the circumstances have challenged my rest in His peace! This was a beautiful reminder- and encouraging as my actual quiet and moments of solitude are little to none in this season, but God need perfect quiet to speak to us and meet with us (though the quiet and solitude are lovely and needed sometimes. I am so glad He meets us where we are at!
So we’ll said. Thank you for sharing what most of are feeling. God IS in control, and we need to trust Him.
This spoke volumes to me…thank you.
Thank you Emily! Just what I needed this morning!
I too enjoy Katie’s Wake Up Call!!!
This has been my verse! Praying Romans 15:13 that I may be filled with His peace and joy and that it may overflow to my family and those around me through the power of the spirit. I love when God sends you reminders and affirmations, and seeing you post it was like He winked a reminder to me. Thank you!!
Oh, how I love this new blog! The words are beautiful and peaceful and profound. Thank you, dear Emily!
Thank you for your comments, I needed this too! Stay safe and strong!
I am reading this on Sunday night, but it is still so appropriate. Thank you for sharing!
You have such a beautiful way with words!! Thank you so much for helping to calm my anxiousness. My prayer for today going forward will be Romans 15:13! Thank you for blessing me by being obedient to the Lord!
If you haven’t already done so, check out Maria Shriver’s Sunday Morning Paper. It’s a once a week post that is just fabulous. Enlightening, spiritual, hopeful. I highly recommend it.
You capture my restless thoughts and point me to God in such a natural way. I love hearing from you!
Thank you Emily for sharing your thoughts. This is so up lifting. You have such a gift for work. I hope you and your family have a wonderful day!
Thank you Emily for these words of upliftment as right now it is so needed. The Lord is so good to send messages of hope no matter from where in the world.
Blessings.Glenda